How to buy a Malawi passport: a simple guide for you

Hey there, honey, let me tell you, gettin’ a passport, that Malawi passport, ain’t as hard as shellin’ peas, ya know? You just gotta know the right folks and have your ducks in a row, see?

First thing you gotta do, well, it ain’t rocket science, you gotta be from Malawi. That’s the big one. If you ain’t from there, well, bless your heart, this whole thing ain’t gonna work. But if you are, then keep on listenin’.

Now, they got these passport things, these little books, they let you go all over, see the world. My grandson, he went to, oh, where was it? Some fancy place with tall buildings. Used his passport. Said it was a real hootenanny.

They got different kinds, you know? Like pickin’ apples, you got your green ones, your red ones. Passports are kinda like that. They got one that takes a while, like waitin’ for a hen to lay, that’s the “normal” one. Takes ’bout 20 days, they say. Workin’ days, mind you, not like Sunday when everyone’s just sittin’ around.

So, you want this Malawi passport, you gotta get some papers. Like when you’re makin’ a pie, you need your flour, your sugar. For this, you need papers. They tell ya what kind, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. Just gotta ask the right people.

Gotta fill out a form, too. Like signin’ your name on one of them deeds. This form, it’s free, like the air you breathe. Don’t let nobody try to sell you one, that’s a scam, a real bamboozle. They got ’em at the Immigration office.

• First, you get that form. Free, I told ya.
• Then you fill it out, nice and neat.
• Then you gotta get your papers together.
• And you gotta be from Malawi, don’t forget!

This passport thing, once you get it, it’s good for a long time. Ten years, they say. That’s a good long while. Longer than my old mule lived, bless his heart. Ten years you can go traipsin’ around the world, seein’ all the sights.

They got somethin’ called “Diplomatic” passports, too. Fancy word for important folks. Like the mayor, or them folks who work for the government. They get special treatment, I reckon. But for regular folks like us, the normal one’s just fine. Get you anywhere you wanna go.

Now, they say you can buy a passport, but honey, that ain’t right. You apply for it, you don’t buy it. Like you apply for a loan at the bank, you don’t just buy it. There’s rules, you see. Gotta follow the rules.

Buy a Malawi Passport, folks say it easy. It ain’t like buyin’ a chicken at the market. You gotta show ’em you’re you, that you’re from Malawi, that you ain’t some hooligan tryin’ to stir up trouble.

They got this Immigration Department, they’re the ones who handle all this. They’re the gatekeepers, you could say. They check your papers, make sure everything’s in order. Like checkin’ a fence to make sure the cows don’t get out.

So you get your form, you fill it out, you get your papers. What papers, you ask? Well, that depends, honey. Everyone’s different, like snowflakes. They’ll tell ya what you need when you go down there. Don’t be shy, just ask.

They’re usually pretty helpful, them folks at the Immigration office. They deal with this all day long, it’s their job. Like a baker knows bread, they know passports. Just be polite, say “please” and “thank you,” and they’ll treat you right.

This whole buy a passport thing, it ain’t about buyin’. It’s about showin’ you’re a good egg, a real Malawi citizen. That’s what they want. They want good folks representin’ their country out there in the world.

And once you get that Malawi passport, you keep it safe. Don’t be losin’ it like I lost my best apron that time the wind picked up. That passport’s your ticket to the world, you take care of it.

You can go anywhere, see anythin’. Visit your kin, if you got any in faraway lands. My cousin, she went to America. Said it was somethin’ else. Big and loud, she said. But she used her passport, no problem.

So, you see, gettin’ a passport, it ain’t so scary. Just gotta follow the steps, like followin’ a recipe. Be patient, be polite, and you’ll be holdin’ that little book in your hand before you know it.

And then, the world’s your oyster, as they say. Whatever that means. Sounds kinda slimy to me, but I reckon it means you can go wherever you please. And that’s a good thing, I reckon. A real good thing.